I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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