I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
