Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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