You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
