she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
