I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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