Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
