fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
