that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
