Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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