If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's rum buckets o'clock
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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