Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
