found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
