Small penises have feelings too.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
