If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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