i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
