no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
