oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
