You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
