I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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