Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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