I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
