ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
