You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
