there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
