whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
