the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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