I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
