what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
