He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
