maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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