That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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