I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
