look no pants
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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