can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
