4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
