yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
