my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize