I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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