So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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