Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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