Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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