I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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