hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
