Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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