LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My penis needs a shock collar
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
