yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
