I think my vagina is haunted
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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