Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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