Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Come on in and take your pants off
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