I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
