the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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