So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
